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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29095050">in the winter night sky, ships are sailing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsAWonderfulLife/pseuds/ItsAWonderfulLife'>ItsAWonderfulLife</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Merlin Bingo 2021 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexuality, Demisexuality, Fluff and Angst, Gray-Asexuality, Internalized Acephobia, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Modern AU, Modern Era, asexual couple, basically I just want them to be happy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:41:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,234</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29095050</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsAWonderfulLife/pseuds/ItsAWonderfulLife</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin and Arthur are happy with their relationship. They're madly in love, and have no need for sex. The rest of the world doesn't really seem to understand, but that's okay. </p><p>Merlin Bingo Square #C3 'Asexuality'</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Merlin Bingo 2021 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2119725</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>166</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Merlin Bingo</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>in the winter night sky, ships are sailing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't own anything from BBC's Merlin and I'm not affiliated.</p><p>I've been avoiding this square of the Bingo because it's very personal to me, so I'm sorry I couldn't write much on this. But I hope it's okay.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, just out of interest, when did you two finally get around to fucking?” Gwaine asks, an obnoxious grin spread across his face.</p><p>Arthur splutters, choking on his beer. Merlin rubs gentle and soothing circles into his back and turns a glare on their friend.</p><p>“That is none of your business, you knob.”</p><p>“But Meeeeeerlin,” he whines drunkenly, “there was a pool! We need to know who won!”</p><p>“Gwaine,” Lancelot cuts in, raising a menacing eyebrow, “stop it. Let’s just have a nice evening.”</p><p>Merlin smiles at him gratefully, and Lance nods back supportively. Percy comes back, carrying another tray of suspiciously tiny drinks. Groaning, Merlin turns his face into Arthur’s shoulder. He’s an atrocious drunk when he has shots, and everyone knows this. Suddenly, everyone is his <em>best friend in the whole world ever. </em>Arthur runs a hand through his nest of hair, petting him gently. The action is entirely nonsexual, but it’s still intimate in a loving way, and grounds Merlin amidst the inebriation and the rapidly devolving conversation.</p><p>“I’m just saying, I definitely won that pool,” Percy adds, wiggling his eyebrows at the couple in question, who both blush uncomfortably, before tucking himself into Gwaine’s arms. Merlin stares at them with slight discomfort as they begin to exchange heated kisses, writhing against each other in the tight space of the booth their group is sharing. He shifts against Arthur, who threads his fingers through Merlin’s, squeezing his hand once in a silent promise that they’ll escape soon.</p><p>Personally, he’s indifferent to the idea of sex, especially in other people’s lives, but the openness of their exchange is a little unsettling. It’s worse because he has felt that before, that bizarre and foreign feeling of passion, of heat, of that <em>desire </em>to- well. Yes. He has felt it, but it is a rare occurrence. There’s no pattern to it, and even being in love isn’t enough most of the time. It’s like a lottery. Arthur is the most beautiful man he has ever seen, and his fingers constantly itch to paint him, to immortalise his divine beauty, how his hair shines in the sun and the strong line of his jaw. He’s also the love of Merlin’s life, and Merlin knows he’s <em>it </em>for him, that there will be nobody for him after Arthur. Despite this, he has never felt that pull in their relationship, and he likes them the way they are.</p><p>“-definitely shagged on the night of Lance and Gwen’s wedding, did you see them on the dancefloor. I’d pay to be a fly on the wall in your room, lads. Must be so hot-”</p><p>“Gwaine!” Merlin snaps, his hand trembling in Arthur’s. “Just- just shut up.”</p><p>Everyone stops, staring at the brief outburst, and Merlin turns to assess his boyfriend, who is pale and angry. His hand is clammy in Merlin’s, and Merlin’s heart swells with love for this man.</p><p>This beautiful man is so proud and strong, and has the worst time shaking off the toxic masculinity imbued in his childhood and upbringing. Even so, he has come to terms with being biromantic, and is overt in how much he loves and cherishes Merlin. There is one thing, however, which Arthur still prefers to keep secret, and that is his asexuality. Whereas Merlin is entirely indifferent to it and has even felt the desire to partake in it occasionally, Arthur finds the very idea of sexual intercourse horrid. Their relationship works perfectly. They kiss, they hug, they fall asleep in the warm embrace of the man they love, they go on so many dates, they cook together, they plan their life together, they <em>love </em>each other. Sex isn’t something they need to fit into that equation.</p><p>“I’m tired,” Merlin sighs, standing up and throwing some rolled up notes on the table to cover far more than their share of the drinks. “We’re going home. I’ll see you at work, Leon.”</p><p>Leon nods at him, apologetic. “Night, Merlin, Arthur. Get home safe. I’ll get Gwaine to call in the morning when he’s sober and ready to apologise.”</p><p>“Hey!” Gwaine slurs, and then turns to Merlin, his eyes wide and sad. “I’m sorry, mate. I’m a bit drunk. I didn’t mean to upset you- either of you. I love you both and I want you to be happy.”</p><p>Merlin smiles. He knows that really. Gwaine is just extremely tactless and very skilled at trampling on people’s insecurities, but he doesn’t mean any harm. He would die for any of his friends.</p><p>“I know, lovey,” he murmurs, and turns to nod at Percy. “Get him home safe too.”</p><p>Arthur tugs gently at his hand, discomfort still etched on his face, and Merlin takes that as their cue to leave. Once they’re outside, they both inhale deeply, gulping in the freshness of the cold night air.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he whispers, brushing a strand of hair out of Arthur’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, darling.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Arthur mumbles, his breathing still shaky. “He doesn’t know. Why would he? It’s a perfectly normal assumption, it’s a perfectly <em>natural </em>assumption-”</p><p>“Don’t,” Merlin cuts in. “Don’t do that. There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with either of us. I love you. I love you so fucking much, and nobody gets to tell us how to love each other, Arthur.”</p><p>“But- one day- are you sure you won’t- what if,” Arthur stammers, blowing out a frustrated huff and pulling away, running his hands through his hair. “What if it- what if one day you start to feel- feel it? And you want- <em>what if I’m not enough anymore</em>?”</p><p>Merlin gapes. Arthur’s eyes are squeezed shut, tears coating the tips of his eyelashes, and his breathing is extremely laboured. He steps forward, slowly cupping the edge of Arthur’s face, tilting his chin up until Arthur’s watery eyes fall open again, staring questioningly into his own.</p><p>“You,” he says firmly, “are an idiot. I don’t- I don’t need anything else. I need this. I need you. I want you. There is no world in which you aren’t <em>enough </em>for me, Arthur. You’re everything I’ll ever want.”</p><p>He leans down, pressing a gentle kiss to Arthur’s lips, tender and lovely.</p><p>“I want this to be forever,” he continues, pulling back slightly, “and I don’t need or want it to change. If I develop- if I start feeling any attraction or anything, it won’t change us. I don’t want anything from you other than what we have already.”</p><p>Arthur stares at him, undone. “Marry me.”</p><p>“What?” Merlin gasps, fairly sure he hasn’t heard correctly.</p><p>“Just- please. Marry me. I want this to be forever too. I know there isn’t an after this, at least not for me, and I haven’t- I don’t have the ring, it’s at home in the wardrobe, and this is so unromantic and,” he chokes, rubbing at his face with the sleeve of his jumper, “I’m fairly sure my face is red and covered in snot and really gross and- just- Merlin, please-”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Yes?” Arthur looks up, blinking in tentative hopefulness.</p><p>“Yes,” Merlin grins, “of course I will.”</p><p>“Oh. Okay.” Arthur beams. “Can we go home and watch Bake Off?”</p><p>“Of course! It’s pastry week.”</p><p>Then, with the fingers intertwined snugly, and smiles on their faces, they wander slowly home to make hot chocolate and toast. Merlin knows they’re going to be just fine.</p>
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